Hm, I just havnt felt like updating this thing in a while...

It hasnt been a nice couple of weeks ;_; I"ve still been staying at work, as Yuki moved in with his boyfriends and I really dont want to intrude... Kiba seems to have wondered off, which is fine, I just miss him is all...

I met the nicest fellow though, a handsom mand named Tsuzuki. He runs a flower shop, and he's very kind, and very wise... I do want to go see him again, and yet... I can't. I'm to embarassed...

There is this man with silver hair and red eyes... *shiver* I start to getscared whenever I think about it... he was attacking this boy, and I couldnt just stand there and watch so... I thre an Anatomy Powder at him... it shocked him but then I realized I didnt have any more on me... so I ran. My Earings made me invisible when I was hiding but... He used some sort of power that made fire burn all around him... I panicked, and ran, and he caught me.... I think I would have died, if that man in blue didnt come to help me... The doctors at the hospital... they took out the baby, because it was dead...

Tamaki came to visit me in the hospital, which was nice... I came to see him a few days later, and he had a girl over with him, his "daughter" *giggle* I know... I know she likes him, I can just tell, sometimes I really hate being so observant...

I havnt been to see anyone in a while, I just dont feel up to it...

I wonder if Ed is at work, or maybe I could find Kiba... Tamaki alwayys takes care of me when I'm sad, for once, I dont want it to have to be his job. He shouldnt have to deal with it all the time...

Anyway, the shop is starting to get to me... I think I'll go for a little walk

Its doesnt seem I'm allowed a calm week :s

Let me see... Well first of all, when walking home a few nights back, I found this beautiful white wolf (or rather, he found me, I suppose) and I dont know what it is about him... I simply feel so conected to him, and he makes me feel so... safe. These strang things attacked my house... some of the little Failures from before...some bigger things. It was so scary... but Kiba saved me. Then he took me somwhere safe... he saved me. I just feel like I could trust him with my life... and its such a strong feeling.

Otherwise, I've been staying at work with Kiba... *sigh* Its been a few days... the monsters should be gone by now I guess, I'm just scared >.>

But, I did run back home for like... five minutes. I didnt see anything, just broken glass and things like that... I wonder where Yuki is? ;_; I wonder if he got scared and went out looking for me... there was nothing on the answering machine when I checker either!

On the way back I stopped in to see Ed real quick but he wasnt there... I went downstairs, back to those odd machines again... I was a little scared to play with them alone, but I really wanted to make something for Tamaki...

I spent the night at Tamaki's after I grabbed some things from home though... I hope Kiba got that note I left so he didnt worry... its just he was sleeping and I didnt want to wake him up.

It was lots of fun at Tamaki's tho~ I brought over a bunch of clothes and we picked out outfits for each other and he let me to his nails~ He's so cute, just like a little puppy!~ Then he showed me around, and we talked for a while, and he said I could watch the sun come up with him ^_^ I dont know what it is about the sun... it just makes me feel so much calmer... And I even get to play house-wife and make a big breakfast. I know its redundant because he has servants and everything but... I just want to do it *smile*

Then we watched movies ^_^ It was really fun... nice and relaxing~ *giggle*

( *GIGGLE* Ah Tamaki look at this! )

... WELL

That was certainly an eventful trip. Where do I even begin...

I decided I wanted to seek out some information on alchemy... for various reasons, one of them being when I was at Tamaki's for x-mas, one of his maids reminded me of somone... some scary. She had these symbols on her shoulders, on a broach she wore... it was two snakes wrapped around a rod or something... I regocnized it from a book I was reading, so... I thought a little resarch couldnt hurt... besides, alchemy is interesting.

*shudder* The maid I remembered... she was... I dont know. Her hands were all cut up but she couldnt seem to feel it... and she was beautiful, unnaturally so... and I think she was trying to kill me. Tamaki was such a sweetheart, taking care of me when I was so afriad... *blush*

So at the book shop, this nice boy named Edward who helped me look for the right books...

We ended up finding a secret room. MY scar stated burning... and it opened up this door. And inside... there were these machines I knew how to use. I made boots with them! Well, thats doesnt sound to impressive until I say I made them out of Prima Materia... I think in my castle there were machines like these, I knew what they were called and everything! And I think I made all my special things with them... my boots, my earings, my chocker... Thats why they're not normal items...

It was so wierd, I just... new what I was doing. Edward started reading the notes on the walls and he tried this other kind of alchemy, with circles... I tried to help but I dont think I did much good. The floor sort of ate my hands and I panicked... but he moved the floor so I could pull them out, with out circles or machines or anyting! It was really amazing! I wonder if he could teach me to do alchemy that way?

Anyway... afterwards these strange creatures came out of the shadows and attacked us! They were Failures, like the ones I saw before... one of them managed to get me and now I have a really nasty bite on the back of my leg... Hewie was all worried about me when I got home... good thing I managed to clean it up before big brother got home, I dont think he's believe me if I told him what happened...

Edward said I could come back after hours so we could experiment some more... I'm ... afriad, to tell the truth... but I;m excited. It gets my mind off of... well, the whole pregnancy-bad dreams-supressed memory thing >.> *sigh* *nervoulsy rubs her belly*

But... I dont think I'll get to afriad... Edward was so brave, the way he was protecting me from those Failures... I think him and I will be able to learn so much from each other! I cant wait to see him again ^^ This time I'll try to be a little less pathetic >.> Maybe I'll bring Hewie!

How crazy the shopping malls are this time of year! And here I was thikning I wouldnt have anyone to buy for ^^;

Oh let me see where do I start...

We certainly have some interesting doctors on this island dont we? I saw one Doctor Muraki about my weakness and morning sickness... he wasnt unpleasant, in fact he seems to be an excellent doctor... although he is famillair to me on several uncomfortable levels. Perhaps he is similar to somone I do not remember... seems logical.

After getting his diagnosis... the bad dreams I have been getting got much worse. There's a mad of fire now, screaming in agony... and coming after me... its horrifying! I shudder to think that it could be a piece of my real, forgotten memory... but that's imposible, right?

After these dreams... I would wake up, and my insides would be burning... it was horribly painful. So I decided perhaps I should see a doctor again... hopefully one that didnt stir up any uncomfortable feelings... wouldn't you know doctor Tomoe and Muraki are very similar to each other? Tomoe would have to be the more civil... my that visit was embarassing... For some reason when I saw my x-rays spread out before me I felt this horrible pain... and there were all these pictures going through my head. I could hardly pick them a part.

But there is some good news as well! A nice boy stopped by the shop to visit me... his name is Tamaki, and he's very sweet and romantic. It so nice to know someone... well... not creepy?

He was looking for a dog and we found him a sweet little puppy... and he decided I should I have one too. We're... both lonly people I think, although we dont like to admit it. I could tell he was... I supose I can just read people that way. I can tell a lot of things that other people cant... it's silly, but sometimes I get the feeling I'm so different then everyone else around me, and... I think that is why I feel so lonly.

Anyway... he decided to get me a dog! I named him Hewie... I somehow just thought... that that was his name. He's so completly fluffy, and having him with me makes me feel so much better. I'm so so glad that Tamaki found him for me.

Oh I'm just delighted I dont have to spend x-mas alone anyway, how sweet of him to let a girl he just met spend a holiday with him ^^ *sigh* He's just so sweet, adorable in an obnoxious sort of way... Honestly, rocks? *giggle* I get the feeling he has no idea how things really work... it's cute. I do hope he likes his gift... somehow~ I get the impression he likes to be spoiled *rolls eyes* *giggle*

Otherwise... nothing much going on...

I think perhaps with Hewie with me... I should try and remember what I"ve forgotten. I cant wait to long to decide... if I dont decide, eventually it may be to late.

Well, I've only been here a few days and things are already becoming so strange... I was attacked by these strange creatures... Heartless, were they? And some others as well... strange little grey children that looked like experimants gone wrong! I dont know what I would have done if that nice boy wasnt there to help me... No way I would have been able to get away.

I dont know why, but I feel so... alone. I just get the impression that... someone should be with me who isnt... isnt that bizzare? Sora was nice enough to walk me home, so I got to ignore that feeling a little bit...

Otherwise... I got a great job working at the local pet shop. The owner is a little creepy odd but my goodness the job pays well! And I dont even have to work that often, as I am still trying to finish school... almost done though. I do find I like working at that shop though... the animals are nice.

Althought the the other day I had to miss school and work all together! I was throwing up all morning and then once the afternoon rolled around I was fine... although the more time goes by, the more dizzy and weak I begin to feel, the harder it is to get out of bed. I dont know what to do...

And my scar is hurting again, it was stinging rather badly when Sora and I were fighting those creatures... I wonder what's going on...?

Uuhh... I do not feel well again, I fear I may have to take yet another day off... I wonder just why I feel this way...